I was not interested. Accept her as she is or leave. I know for myself, it is not just my boyfriend of 8 years, I dont want to sex with anyone at all. I was not molested as a child, but I was bullied and teased by girls from Kindergarten through High School. I, personally, love my partner very much we are best friends and he is the best partner I could ask for but my sexual drive/attraction to him has practically disappeared over a year or so. I think I concluded by saying that if she were indeed pleasing her boyfriend, that her [aversion] is what she should concentrate her attention on. I dont know how to fix my issue, its confusing. This is EXACTLY how I feel. It doesnt help that my husband of 13 years doesnt show affection til he wants to play. Definitely see at least a marriage counselor, even if you go alone. in order to pump myself up just to endure going through with sex. It is hard to say what it could be for your husband, but it is worth looking into if you both love each other and it seems like you do. I have often wondered if there was someone else and even told him I would leave if he wanted. It could be something serious, like childhood abuse, or recent trauma. Hi Random_Person, WebBut due to this unexplained horrible feeling, Im very scared to breastfeed my babies one day for fear of them somehow sucking on my nipples will give me that sickening feeling in the core of my being. Not everyone desires sex. Also, a number of people who identify as asexual are comfortable doing sexual things to a partner (touching, etc.) Also, I disagree with you about Anonymous comment above. And he stomped out the door after that flat refusal. I wish there was a support group and some kind of magic pill. Im sorry you have to deal with all that but dont sacrifice your mind for someone who doesnt understand. Nothing more. I do believe it is just guilt. A friend of mine is sexually frustrated 24/7, but she hates sex. I was so happy to stumble across this article and the comments after a late night Google search on the issue thats destroying our marriage . I LOST MY FLAME ABOUT 3 YEARS AGO AND I NEVER RECOOPED. One actually resulted in a pregnancy, which I choose adoption.. for the sake of the child. To use your analogy, if a heterosexual female is not attracted to another female, that wont necessarily relate to negative feelings. I can relate to much of the article. The stretch marks and messed up skin from having babies is only a small portion of the issue its really just gravy. I DO think that it would be benefical to practice positive self talk. You were taught from a young age that sexuality and any natural sexual urges you had were wrong for that reason alone it is no surprise that you are struggling in this area. It has a name. I was treated like I was as important and worthwhile as an old picture on the wall. Whats the point of putting all that time and energy into this ritual for a tiny moment of pleasure that feels like a sneeze. It feels intensely intimate, flooding them with overwhelming feelings. We dont argue. As a female who has a boyfriend, I completely understand that a man has needs. Thank you! I used to love sex and being touchy with my husband. There does seem to be though, a situation in which any given individual may have sexual feelings, and engage in sex as long as conditions are favorable. I believe most people do. Once one sees someone behave in such a way, and the feeling of that, its repulsive. In my case I can function sexually under certain circumstances- paid sex, sex with a stranger (one night stand) and, the first one or two times I am having sex with a new partner. The moment that happens I become nauseous, agitated and panicky. You wont sleep with your spouse and then you also complain they look at porn?! I have realized that I like the freedom of being single and celibate. My immediate reaction is to get away. But put your foot down and stick to it. He would have to be the reincarnation of Dionysus. I know I still love her but this aversion is making it impossible for us to move forward after this affair. I rushed out to this scene. Many cannot pinpoint any trauma. She never avoided my touch before marriage and is seemingly fine with non-sexual physical contact (hugging, kissing, hand holding) but I spent a decade getting my hand slapped when I tried for more. My wife has sex aversion. Especially the foreplay. I have never felt sexual atraction and never questioned it (it was just not relevant to me) WebDisgust is an emotion to which I never gave much thought. I DID NOT assume she was teasing her boyfriend. Is it better to let a relationship disintegrate than to even make the slightest effort to find some way to make this better? I want to tell you I was much like you and your age. because I want to enjoy it and have sex like others do. Oh my gosh, you just explained my life!! Now I want badly to be able to hold, kiss and caress her feet, but I fear that if she does have a sexual aversion, that asking her for this will repulse her. This was devastating for her and the worse part is, it was useless for me as I learned that this in no way made up for a lack of sex in our marriage. As far as my body image goes, I have been trying to get over it for decades (my oldest is 22), I just cant seem to. I understand your choice to have them but I feel that the same would happen to me as well. Next, she will continue the same practice, with me in the room, totally silent. I wish you well. About 15 years ago, I stopped engaging in sex with Randoms . I am 27yrs old. What could be the cause of this? I didnt push. Right from day one, she wasnt interested. Everything tried to get my husband to consider his wants and needs were not ours or the communities. I was beginning to hate sex. Though, after more thought I realize that the vulnerable ages of women to get raped are teenage through 28. Pair this with the fact that I have a bad temper, and I was drunk most of these instances, and the fact that she had sex with me because she felt obligated to make me feel better, and you have the predicament that we are involved with now. WebWhy do I feel disgusting sometimes? He didnt want to be bothered, he was too busy or he was traveling most of the time. But Im tired of the judgement from women who are angry when I dont ask them out and get physical with them. I hit rock bottom in every aspect of my life except for how much I cherished my wife. I had no idea. Please think about this. Hi Sara. Its a choice and takes effort. I also never express it out loud and do my best to fake it as to never make him feel undesired. He looked at me and said feel free he was not ice skating someplace just barely warmer in mid winter than the mid west. If a heterosexual female doesnt feel anything when she looks at another female, does that mean that she is repulsed by her? My foot was not off the aircraft ten minutes when we discovered he was going to set back the vacation scheduals for hundreds because he wanted his three weeks the day I flew in. I would expect her to become averse to just doing it. it was the refit after that that my husband was diagnosed. I had researched him before hand on facebook and felt at ease because he was newly married (about 1.5 years) and his wife was incredibly beautiful. If I had known that a man would feel so much hate and despise everyone for making him see to their needs before his. My 30 year marriage is unconsumated although we did have sex a few times before the wedding. We have been married 20 years and have three teenage children . For highly sensitive people especially, sex isnt just purely physical, its also emotional, mental, and even spiritual. I just want to sell my home then run as far as I can, by myself. Disgust. Anyways, Im looking for advice on how to work through this. I feel affection and physical attraction for him but this presses the anxiety button as he is physically strong and has a strong sexual drive which in normal circumstances would already be at times difficult to sustain for me I need more physical space .. The first understanding of it has to come from you. I do get a feeling of disgusts while having sex, even though I love him, but I still do it and take care of him. So I know sadly this relationship cannot survive. To be honest.. Yes, the same thing happened to me. It has been such a huge relief! Anger, yelling, lust, porn & lying. Why couldnt I just force myself to do it and get it over with it and allow some tranquility to resume? My penis head is two sensitive. Youre absolutely right. like I said, I have this planetary influence that only brings me super bad relationships.. it appears that I am being punished this lifetime. Was he hurt? I get this and have no idea why or what causes it. Feeling repelled may not always be a sign of a state of beyond anxiety, in my opinion. I also stopped trying to touch her anywhere other than her hands. But youre totally right in that a woman who has this type of aversion, can become totally disgusted with their man, thinking they are oversexed and OBSESSED! When she did it was as though she were relieved. My suggestion before you get consumed in hatred (I was that too), go back to doing the sh#t you loved when you were 6 years old. IM LOVELESS AND BITTER AND DONT CARE TO TRY AGAIN. I dont want to hug, and I certainly am not going to kiss you. Webthat you are fat. (and Im a man!) Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD): Someone with OCD might feel He never shows me any affection even when we are away from our kidshe never tries to DOanythingand believe me, I have slept in the bed with him at hotels.and NOTHING happens at allidk what to do anymore and Im tired of being lonely and wanting someone to want me. Would have never got married if I knew this would happen. In other words, you could be Bi Polar with an aversion to sex also, but i personally DONT think that an aversion to sex is synonymous with Bi Polar disorder or that one begats the other. I just dont know. Meaning no sexual atraction to anyone. That would work both ways. OMG. my husband will not coinsider any one now. Just an everyday individual. Be careful. I contacted a friend of a friend who I knew was a model like he was on billboards. when you have sex with someone whatever dark energy or demons or whatever is attached to them, you have then had sex with that too. I used to think it was my medication causing the issues but certain meds can cause lack of drive; not a full on aversion. Maybe I just need to give it some time. I never experienced a sexual trauma, or any other traumas. He left for his trip yesterday furious with me that I had not been receptive to his advances the entire week he had been home. a love life is overrated for a lot of people, me included. Take it week by week or month by monthwhatever youre comfortable with. I believe that a man has to take care of the household finances, fixing up the place when things get broken down. Like clearly, Im sleeping, doing homework, watching a video on my phone and he all of a The minute that a sexual encounter feels expected, even if the person doesnt mean for it to come across that way, I completely shut down on all levels. This article and many of the comments brought me to tears as the realization that others are going through the same thing and there are some possible treatments . I cant go without so I guess that I have to get it elsewhere. I do NOT enjoy it, NOR do I want it or need it. You see, my ill-gotten relationships of my life made me physically ill and manifested in a disease. My ex walked out on me over 6 years ago. Too many broken hearts, one just cant bear another may not survive. I think that there is something within all humans that makes you have this need to be loved and touched and if you are not feeling that then I think that there is something that needs to be addressed. I believe that a person should not have sex with an individual without being married. I will offer one piece of advice that was given to me. Hey Matt, Thanks for sharing your story. Im sorry you are in this situation right now. If you listen to the commenters here, you will see that most of them dont have a revulsion to their partner. My take on Bi Polar disorder is that it does NOT relate directly to the topic of sexual aversion. I dont know if I need to overcome this because I am perfectly happy being single. We divorced after 2 kids and 14 years, and we didnt have sex for the last 5-6 years. I never will instigate plan or suggest a date night any more . I can take care of myself in that regard, and I do(not nearly as often as I used to) But even then, I dont think of your typical sexual thoughts. Male, married 41 years. for me, that insanity is that I could ever be in a truly loving relationship that didnt bring abusive harm. As I know and feel he wants to be the dominator over all I do. I was always brushed aside.